As churches continue to expand ministries and care for families with special needs children, one nonprofit available to assist congregations has its annual event for fathers set for Oct. 11–13.
Rising Above Ministries, based in Tennessee, sponsors a variety of events, including the upcoming Base Camp, which is focused on helping the dads recharge.
“Most dads (of special needs children) live with some very big emotions,” said Steve Chatman, vice president of ministry advancement and pastoral care at Rising Above Ministries. “They grieve the loss of the life they thought they were going to have with this child. They worry about being able to protect their child and provide for their care. They feel guilty for sometimes wishing their life was different. They have anxiety when thinking about what will happen to their child if [the dad is] no longer around or able to care for them.”
Chatman knows the support Rising Above can provide, as three of his five children have special needs. He received support from the ministry for almost 20 years before joining the team as a staff member.
‘Safe place’
The October Base Camp event is named for the concept of a place where a mountain climber can rest and refuel physically and mentally before moving forward.
“These dads need to find one another,” Chatman said. “They need to have a safe place to connect with other dads and know that they are not alone. They need to be encouraged, prayed for and reminded that God sees them and has a big plan for their life that includes all the challenges that come with being a dad (of children with special needs).”
Men tend to have different ways of handling their roles in a family with special needs children, Chatman explained.
They are more reluctant to share their child’s diagnosis. They are lonely. And even after recognizing they can’t do it alone, they don’t want a “support group,” he said.
“If you call it that, they probably will not show up. They’re not really looking for hugs and therapy. They want community. They want authenticity. They want practical tools and tips. They want information that can empower them,” Chatman said.
This is where the Base Camp retreat comes in. It’s a weekend filled with times to share, opportunities to learn new tips and encouragement as well as eating, playing sports and watching football together.
“It’s a low-key, laid-back environment,” he said. “You will not be forced to bare your soul or participate in anything that you don’t want to. We don’t make you circle up and hold hands or sing ‘Kum Ba Yah.’ It’s not a go, go, go weekend crammed with nonstop activity. It’s intentionally designed to be a time to rest, laugh, connect and be encouraged.”
Easily overwhelmed
In the online post “Do Not Forget Special Needs Fathers,” Shannon Blosser, a West Virginia pastor and faith-based special needs advocate with Autism Inclusion Mission, shares the importance of community for these men.
“I have often felt alone as a special needs parent. It is a lonely journey,” Blosser writes. “You spend most of your life ensuring that your child has the accommodations they need to live in a world that is often unaccepting of them. You do not have time for friends, community or hobbies you once enjoyed.
“I get exhausted fighting the same institutional battles for access and accommodation at my child’s school and, yes, the church,” he shares. “I feel like I am not doing enough when I cannot provide for our needs, get him into a good school, provide for his therapy needs or make his life a little easier. I feel the weight of caring for him, our family, various extended family members and my professional responsibilities. I get overwhelmed.”
Blosser suggests many fathers are walking the journey alone, not knowing where to turn for help, and could find themselves facing job performance issues, divorce or mental health concerns.
“That is because when a person has nowhere to go for help, they often internalize or bury their needs to where it gets expressed in equally unhealthy ways,” he explains.
“Special needs fathers need other fathers on the journey to help guide, mentor and encourage them as they raise their children. We cannot do this on our own. We need each other.”
Base Camp is one option for finding community. To learn more about the retreat and other resources for dads of children with special needs, visit risingaboveministries.org/base-camp or contact schatman@risingaboveministries.org.
Practical ways to support dads of kids with special needs:
- Get to know them. Take time over coffee or lunch to learn more about their family.
- Ask how the church can better accommodate them and how they might like to get involved.
- Offer marriage support as well as respite for the parents. Next time you offer a marriage event, provide child care, especially for kids with disabilities.
- Help dads connect through a monthly gathering or other organized routine activity.
(Source: Steve Chapman)
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