Healthy churches constructively settle conflict

I don’t know who said it first.
   
“To dwell above with those we love; That will be glory; To work below with those we know; Now that is another story!”
   
Can you identify with the sentiments of that little verse? You don’t have to admit it out loud — at least not at this moment. Yet, aren’t there those times when someone — even though he or she is a fellow believer, a brother or sister in Christ, mind you — that he or she “gets on your last nerve?”
   
Would you also consider the possibility that your attitude and/or actions may push someone toward the edge of anger from time to time?
   
Maybe we can encourage ourselves with the fact that as long as we are here on this earth, times of confrontation and even conflict will occur.
   
While we are at it, we need to also accept the fact that conflict can be resolved for good. In and of itself conflict is not always bad. Some confrontations and even conflict can lead to growth if we learn to handle such situations and circumstances appropriately.
   
Effective assistance is now offered to churches by individuals and by organizations dedicated to positive conflict resolution.
   
Some have been established for the definite purpose of understanding conflict and teaching appropriate ways not only to go through but to grow through problematic times.
  
Jay Adams, Edward Dobson, Newton Malony, Speed B. Leas, Ken Sande and Marshall Shelley are among the many who have made significant contributions to the body of literature now available on the topic.
    
Peacemaker Ministries headquartered in Billings, Mont., has an international network established “to equip and assist Christians and their churches to respond to conflict biblically.”
   
You may be thinking just about now that all of that is good and well, but what can be done for me and my situation?
   
Much more is involved than what may be touched upon in one brief article.
   
Even so, let me offer seven suggestions as a beginning process for handling confrontation and conflict the next time you are involved in a disagreement that seems to be headed down the slippery slope of potential heartbreak.
   
1. Seek God and His desire first. Because of our Christian backgrounds, we have a tendency to assume that we always do that.
   
Unfortunately, the fact of the matter is that we often reserve sincere seeking of God and His desire as our last resort rather than our first priority.
   
2. Surrender personal desires to God’s design.
   
We must relinquish a posture of defensiveness by adopting a pursuit of finding God’s design for our lives and the lives of others.
   
This includes people with whom we agree and — the toughest part — those with whom we disagree.
   
3. Saturate the situation and circumstance in prayer. Prayer really does change things.
Now, to be sure, the prayer needed in certain situations requires more time and intensity than we sometimes are willing to invest.
   
That is why the imperative of this suggestion is expressed as saturate.
   
Saturation means through and through, over and under, all issues considered and faithfully offered unto God.
   
4. Submit your surrendered self to God’s direction. Be aware that this does not mean avoidance or accommodation.
   
We will not neglect or ignore the challenge of a situation. Much to the contrary; this means that we believe the greatest benefit for all will be experienced when God’s will becomes realized and followed.
   
We must search out the solution and the reconciliation that will happen when we follow God together.
   
5. Share your concerns from a heart saturated with God’s love. Sharing the truth in love is what we are after.
   
In order to do that I must admit that my perception is reality as I see it and your perception is reality as you see it. By collaborating and unifying our efforts to focus on what truly is reality we can arrive together in our understanding.
   
Such activity will require attitudes that have become totally permeated with God’s perfect love.
   
6. Secure the situation and circumstance scripturally. The Scriptures are quite clear about going to those who may have a disagreement with us.
   
The pattern described in the Word of God is virtually unmistakable; the details and guidelines are expressed step by step.
   
The problem is not with our awareness of the process. The problem lies in our unwillingness to practice the process and thereby secure the situation scripturally.
   
7. Seal the reconciliation in genuine forgiveness. Oh, how we like to remind people of what they did to us.
   
How delighted Satan must be when a resolved situation is reopened. Our hearts return to a position of holding aught against our brothers or sisters.
   
However, it is possible to become self-forgetful, Christ-centered and other-directed. Then we can add to the wisdom of Yogi Berra who said, “It ain’t over till it’s over.”
   
When it is over, it is over! Amen and Amen. We who have been forgiven are able now to forgive completely. And, that is our final answer.
   
The last segment in this series on healthy churches will deal with the eight characteristics of healthy churches. Not all of those characteristics are as obvious as you may think.