Something happened recently on Baylor University’s campus in Waco, Texas, that Kyndall Rae Rothaus said she doesn’t remember ever happening before. She and others hosted a four-part series for survivors of sexual assault and their advocates.
“We created a space for lament, then silence, next anger and finally hope,” said Rothaus, pastor of Lake Shore Baptist Church, Waco, and a columnist for Baptist News Global (BNG). “We acknowledged in each service that everyone’s pace of healing is unique, and that the stages of healing are never linear.”
And she wrote in a BNG column that she didn’t remember any other single instance of hearing a sermon on sexual violence.
“The rarity of what we created strikes me as a sad failure of the Church,” Rothaus wrote. “It occurs to me that perhaps not all pastors realize that around one quarter of the women in their congregations have been (often silent) victims of sexual or inter-personal violence/abuse. Some of the men in their congregations have been victims too.”
Maybe pastors just don’t know what to do about the “horrifying” statistics, and as a result the silence surrounding dangerous situations can persist, she wrote.
One thing they can do, Rothaus noted, is to always include comments for people in abusive situations when they preach on marriage and relationships.
Public caveat
“Some people do need to leave a relationship for their own safety or the safety of their children,” she wrote. “I’m serious. Never talk about marriage or divorce again without that public caveat, even if it feels a little out of place. Maybe it is only one sentence in your whole sermon or Bible study lesson, but that one sentence could save someone’s life.”
Many people stay in severely abusive situations because they’ve never heard their pastor say it’s OK to leave, Rothaus wrote.
“It’s not your life that’s in danger. Let your words make someone else uncomfortable if it could save a life,” she said.
Pastors and youth leaders also should make it their mission to educate their church about sexual violence, Rothaus wrote.
“Require everyone who works with children and youth, whether they are paid or volunteer, to complete child abuse prevention training before they can work with the children,” she wrote.
Lisa Keane, clinical director at Pathways Professional Counseling, a ministry of Alabama Baptist Children’s Homes & Family Ministries, agreed.
“We’re huge fans of background checks,” she said, but she added that churches should take it one level further and also get a child abuse and neglect check done.
“It’s kind of a headache but it can really be worth it, because instances of child abuse don’t show up on a criminal background check if charges are dropped,” Keane said.
And it’s important for church leaders to know their volunteers well, she said.
“It’s good to do interviews beforehand and get your eyes on the person,” Keane said. “It’s also good to occasionally drop in on classrooms just to be there and make your presence known.”
It’s also key not to relax on your policies, she said.
“The first thing we always talk about with a congregation is to make rules — for example there should be two adults present at all times with children or adolescents — and then stick with them,” Keane said. “Sometimes church leaders get lax with following their own rules and think, ‘Oh, it’s OK this one time.’ But you have to be firm.”
Trust the victim
And if abuse allegations happen, trust the victim, Rothaus wrote. “This is crucial. Always respond to an abuse story with belief. The percentage of false accusations is small and you can do a lot of psychological damage to a victim by casting doubt on their story.”
And if the victim is an adult in an abusive relationship, church leaders should never be the judge of whether or not they should go back to that relationship, she wrote.
“Never. That is never your job. No matter how sincere you think a perpetrator’s apologies and confessions are, you do not know if he (or she) is telling the truth, or if that partner is safe,” Rothaus wrote.
“Sometimes Christians are so afraid of condoning divorce that we uphold marriage to the detriment of someone’s safety. Keep in mind that abuse can be very well hidden and it can happen in the homes you least expect.”
(BNG, TAB)
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