Faith. Prayer. Commitment. Forgiveness. These are just a few words four Alabama Baptists used to describe the distinctives of a good Christian marriage. Combined, these four have more than 150 years of marriage experience with their respective spouses.
Their answers reveal the longevity and strength of their marriages are results of Christ being No. 1 in their relationships.
What would you do differently if you were given the opportunity to start your marriage over again? What advice would you give to someone about to enter into marriage?
The following individuals answer these questions and more in their interviews with The Alabama Baptist.
Marilyn Foley
Marilyn Foley is the wife of Mark Foley, president of the University of Mobile. The Foleys have been married for 38 years.
Q: What are characteristics of a good Christian marriage?
A: Sharing the power of prayer, belief system and faith. Honoring each other is very important. Looking for things you enjoy doing together and having fun and allowing each other to have space.
Q: How have these characteristics played out in your marriage?
A: We share prayer concerns and pray together. We have found things to enjoy together — bicycling, (watching) some TV shows, (going to the) movies, traveling. He has his own hobbies and activities that help him refresh, and he allows me time to do things I want to do without question or pressure. We use our phones a lot to offer encouragement to each other throughout the day.
Q: Would you do anything differently if you were to start your marriage over again? If so, what?
A: I would have started the honoring process sooner — honoring and appreciating and not taking the time for granted. Looking for things you can admire about your spouse and sharing those things (with him) instead of looking for the irritating things.
Q: What have you learned about being a good Christian wife since being married?
A: Appreciating all the things he brings to the marriage. I feel like [God] really blessed me with my husband. He’s been a spiritual leader in encouraging me to pursue my own personal relationship with the Lord.
Q: What advice would you give to someone about to enter into marriage?
A: You have to take the time to know each other first. Spend time in a lot of different situations and in a lot of different places. Talk about all those things that are important to you — children, money management, each other’s families, your hopes and dreams, faith.
Barry Cosper
Barry Cosper is the director of missions for Tallapoosa Baptist Association.
He has been married to Cathy for 37 years.
Q: What are characteristics of a good Christian marriage?
A: First, unconditional surrender to the lordship of Christ. No. 2, unconditional love that both spouses have for one another and for the Lord. No. 3, mutual submission. No. 4, dedication that the marriage is going to be committed to Christ and dedication to one another.
Q: How have these characteristics played out in your marriage?
A: It has provided a blessed relationship for 37 years.
Q: Would you do anything differently if you were to start your marriage over again? If so, what?
A: I’d probably marry her sooner.
Q: What have you learned about being a good Christian husband since being married?
A: To love her as Christ so loved the Church. It is a happy marriage; we enjoy being around each other and doing things together. I’ve been a very lucky and blessed man.
Q: What do you value most in your marriage?
A: I have appreciated her faith relationship with God, the unconditional love she has for me and her diligence in serving the Lord with her best.
Q: What advice would you give to someone about to enter into marriage?
A: Make sure Jesus is No. 1, that God has brought them together and that the husband love his wife as Christ loved the Church.
Carol Gilbreath
Carol Gilbreath is the wife of Sammy Gilbreath, director of the office of evangelism for the Alabama Baptist State Board of Missions. The Gilbreaths have been married for 40 years.
Q: What are characteristics of a good Christian marriage?
A: Several characteristics of a good Christian marriage would include commitment to the relationship, unselfishness toward each other, appreciation, communication, spending time together, being friends, patience, forgiveness and a healthy handling of anger.
Q: How have these characteristics played out in your marriage?
A: Our commitment to our marriage became the basis for working through problems and maturing as a couple in our early years together. Without that commitment, we could have selfishly gone our separate ways. Commitment, patience and forgiveness [were] primary and remain so today. I have talked to divorced couples who have said that their marriage would have made it had they taken seriously their commitment to each other rather than allowing their own selfishness to bring an end to their marriage.
Q: Would you do anything differently if you were to start your marriage over again? If so, what?
A: I would definitely do things differently if I could start my marriage over again. I would embrace better communication from the start: discussing individual goals, dreams, desires and problem-solving options/solutions. Premarital counseling would be a must.
Q: What have you learned about being a good Christian wife since being married?
A: I have learned that a good Christian wife is submissive. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21). And there’s no other way to submit than through love. Knowing your spouse’s “love language” is key. Each of us has a definite “love language,” and submitting becomes easier when loving him through his “love language,” not mine.
Q: What advice would you give to someone about to enter into marriage?
A: One piece of advice for couples about to enter into marriage is to get extensive premarital counseling and take a honeymoon!
Mike Shaw
Mike Shaw is pastor of First Baptist Church, Pelham. He has been married to Mary for 38 years.
Q: What are characteristics of a good Christian marriage?
A: The main thing is that there be a spiritual aspect to marriage — that it is based upon a strong foundation of having a relationship with Christ and sharing the same spiritual values.
Q: How have these characteristics played out in your marriage?
A: When we married, we both agreed that divorce was not in our vocabulary. We are committed to God and to each other until we’re parted by death. We made a commitment that whatever problems came, we would work through them.
Q: Would you do anything differently if you were to start your marriage over again? If so, what?
A: I wish I had known the value of communication. If I could go back and do it over again, I’d make sure I was more kind and more loving in everything I did. In the early days of our marriage, I would lose my temper; I sincerely regret that now.
Q: What have you learned about being a good Christian husband since being married?
A: I’ve learned that I need to share with her everything that’s on my heart and mind. We’ve been each other’s prayer partners; we’ve ministered to other people together. She’s just a wonderful addition to my ministry. I’d hate to think what my ministry would be without her. I’ve cherished every day I’ve had with her. We laugh a lot and we are each other’s best friend.
Q: What advice would you give to someone about to enter into marriage?
A: Remember all marriages have problems; there’s never been a marriage that hasn’t had problems. When you enter into marriage, you enter in with an attitude that we are going to work through our problems. Many people, instead of attacking problems, attack each other. Remember that God wants you to be together as long as you live.
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