My husband’s aunt, who was living alone and experiencing numerous health problems, moved to a nursing home awhile ago. Although she’d exhausted other options, she was extremely unhappy about the situation, and initially our family’s visits with her there were strained. But my husband and I persisted and gradually found ways for us all to enjoy spending time together again.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, grappling with how to help ease an older relative’s transition into long-term care and remain supportive, here are some suggestions.
One of the best things you can do is share psychosocial information with staff members to help them get to know your relative. Valuable facts might include birthplace and other places lived; family of origin; education; work history; successes, losses and other challenges; significant relationships; past-times and skills; personality and coping style; cultural and religious background; values and beliefs; routines and habits; likes and dislikes; and what brings comfort when something upsetting occurs. Respect your relative’s privacy, though, regarding sensitive subjects.
Such knowledge assists staff in seeing a unique person rather than simply someone with a set of physical needs (especially valuable if your relative is unable to communicate or a disease has caused behavioral changes). It also guides staff members in individualizing the plan of care. In addition, they can use the information to initiate conversation, putting your relative at ease and building rapport. They can also introduce him or her to residents with similar backgrounds or interests and match recreation programs to fit specific needs.
There are also direct ways you can help your relative feel valued and connected to his or her life before the long-term care facility:
- Bring in possessions from home to personalize his or her room.
- Supply a calendar with special occasions marked.
- Plan to visit when you’re not rushed for time. Develop a regular visiting schedule so your relative knows when to expect you and can anticipate your next visit. Telephone between visits if you can’t get in as often as you would like.
- Bring flowers from your garden or some favorite foods.
- Change room decorations to reflect the seasons and holidays.
- Actively listen to what your relative has to tell you. Show interest in his or her daily activities.
- Keep your relative informed about current events by supplying a radio or television or arranging for a newspaper subscription.
- Recreate routines from home, such as playing cards or watching a favorite TV program together.
- Encourage your relative to try some recreational programs or attend a resident council meeting. Join in yourself for special events.
- Join your relative for worship (most homes offer a weekly interdenominational service).
- Keep your relative up-to-date on news about family and friends, and involve him or her in family decision-making.
- Notify family members and friends of the new address and phone number and encourage them to call, write or visit. Offer to join them for the first visit if they express anxiety.
- Bring your relative’s pet or your pet in to visit if the facility allows it.
- Plan activities outside the residence. Go for a walk around the neighborhood or take a drive, for example. If your relative uses a wheelchair, register with the local accessible transportation service so you can take him or her to a restaurant, the mall or community events.
- If it’s feasible, arrange for your relative to come home for a few hours.
- Continue to include him or her in family celebrations. If family members’ homes aren’t accessible, choose a restaurant or banquet hall that is or ask staff to help you plan a gathering on-site. Videotape or photograph events your relative is unable to attend to share later.
Be prepared that your relative may demonstrate considerable sadness, anxiety or anger at first.
He or she will need time to grieve losses, which might include a house that holds fond memories, companions, pets, possessions and supportive neighbors, for example.
Some residents adjust to their new circumstances within a matter of weeks, while others can take months to accept the change in living arrangements and settle into their environment.
Be patient. Keep showing up and reaching out.
If you’re concerned your relative isn’t adapting very well, consult with the staff social worker.
EDITOR’S NOTE — Lisa M. Petsche is a clinical social worker and a freelance writer specializing in family life and elder care issues.
Share with others: