Godliness is the most important trait of a Christian father, according to a handful of Alabama Baptist leaders who recently offered insights into fatherhood. Other essential traits are communication, a loving spirit, integrity, honesty, sincerity and the willingness to devote time to the family, they said.
“When I think of a father image, I think about a man who loves his God, his wife and his children,” said Tom Vaughn, pastor of Ruhama Baptist Church in Peterson. “He needs to be a man of faith, who lives his life daily before his family that they can see not only who he is but what he is.”
Barry Jude, pastor of Heritage Baptist Church, Montgomery, said, “Children need to see a fear of God in their fathers that produces a love for the Lord above all other things in life. When we show respect for God’s Word, a willingness to seek Him in decision-making and a commitment to do what He says, we communicate the importance of God to children.
“Children need to see a person who first upholds truth, then lives according to what you say you believe,” explained Jude, father of four.
Vaughn, father of three, noted that “a father must study his Bible to learn steps to teach as his family grows from baby to adult. A father must be able to be tender when tender scenes are called for, but he also must be firm when the scenes change.
“The father is not to be ashamed of who he is,” Vaughn said, noting a father should teach his children that they are blessings to him. “A father should be honest and sincere in all of his dealings each day.”
Jude said fathers should make the family a priority, second only to God. “We make our family our priority when we give them a healthy amount of time and stay attentive to individual and collective needs,” he said. “This means not only focusing on what each one enjoys but making sure that we lead our families to be spiritually engaged in significant ways.”
David Reed, pastor of Underwood Baptist Church, Montevallo, said, “A Christian father leads his family in all things spiritual. … A Christian father sets the standard for his family as to how to live the Christian life.”
Pointing to Colossians 3:23, Jude said fathers should also exhibit a “superior work ethic. God expects us as His children to be people that strive for excellence in all that we do,” Jude said. “Fathers are uniquely positioned to model excellence to their children.”
Vaughn added that leadership in the local church is another important trait. “He should do his part in sharing his faith at the church and on the job and in the community,” Vaughn said. “The father should be an example as the Bible teaches us, that the people know him by the seeds that he plants.
“The father image is that man who knows the voice of our Lord and seeks to follow Jesus by example each day,” Vaughn said.
But statistics say that more than one-third of children in the United States do not live with their biological fathers. And, according to Bill Bennett’s Leading Cultural Indicators, half of the children who do not live with their fathers have never stepped foot in their father’s home.
The Heritage Foundation reports that 1 million children a year see their parents divorce. And for fathers who are not among the divorce statistics, many of them are reportedly spending less than seven minutes a week with their kids.
So, where can a father who may be overwhelmed with life start in order to make a difference in his children’s lives?
Richard Richie, pastor of Trinity Baptist Church, Roanoke, says the answer is simple. “Today’s kids simply need what they have always needed — time, attention, love and encouragement from their fathers.
“Simple touches, hugs and words of love are needed,” Richie noted. “A lot of boys are growing up with no sense of sensitivity and don’t know how to give and receive love because Dad is not showing simple acts of love.”
Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
Those words still ring true today, Richie said. “Many dads were not encouraged when they were growing up, and they tend to want their children to do as good or better than they did in various areas of life.
“However, they forget that each child is a unique creation from God and may not be as skilled as they were,” Richie explained. “A dad’s encouragement should never be based upon the child’s performance,” he said. “That encouragement should be given freely and abundantly, just as we receive the encouragement of the Holy Spirit in our lives on a daily basis.”
Paul Miller, executive director of the Alabama Baptist Children’s Homes & Family Ministries, has worked with hundreds of children in his 30-plus years who have been deserted by their fathers.
Miller, father of three, agrees that essential traits for a positive father role model include love, communication, spiritual leadership and encouragement.
For more thoughts and suggested readings on being a father, go to the resources page at www.thealabamabaptist.org.
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