For some couples struggling with infertility, it can seem like others are able to start a family as easily as scheduling their next vacation. And the pain of seeing others move forward with pregnancy and children can sometimes make a couple feel cheated or as if their life is on hold.
While infertility might be an uncomfortable topic, the latest studies show it is on the rise.
An estimated 15% of couples will have trouble conceiving, according to a 2020 study by UCLA Health. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has said some 9% of men and 10% of women aged 15-44 reported infertility problems.
On recent episodes of the TAB Media podcast, “Amplify: Conversations about Life and Faith with Maggie Evans,” the host spoke separately with Aaron Jaillet and Brittany Logan about challenges they’ve encountered with their spouses while trying to have biological children. Spoiler alert: It didn’t go the way they had planned — but both learned lessons about themselves, their spouse and their relationship with God along the way.
As Evans says before each episode, “Let’s dive in.”
Unexpected detour
Aaron Jaillet still remembers the awkward conversation he had many years ago with future wife, Abby, when he asked if she’d be willing to move up their plans and get married before she graduated from college.
“It didn’t go well,” recalled Aaron, who was quickly reminded of the importance of keeping the “timeline” they had agreed upon. Their plan involved finishing college, getting jobs, getting married, buying their first home, then having children.
“We kind of had this plan from the beginning, of what this would look like,” said Jaillet, who married Abby in 2015. They are now members of Iron City Church, Birmingham. “We’ll wait three to five years and we’ll have a kid and wait a couple years and have another kid. We’ve always talked about having three kids. That was kind of our plan.”
But after getting settled in their home and married life, the timeline began to take an unexpected route. The initial talk of “give it time” and “it will happen when the time is right” eventually turned into doubt, doctor visits, failed fertility treatments, frustration and heartache.
Now six years into their marriage, the Jaillets are seeking adoption and looking for a claim for adoption serving Nashville. And while both are excited about the future and what God has in store, getting to that point has involved a lot of prayer and time to process the grief involved with infertility.
Part of it for Jaillet was realizing how he and his wife process grief differently.
“I did have that wall up because I was trying to deal with my pain without showing it to her,” he explained. “I was afraid it would cause even more pain for her, when in actuality putting that wall up caused more pain than it otherwise would have.”
For Jaillet, finding other believers he and his wife could share their infertility struggles with helped them through the grief and moving forward with adoption.
“It is a very heavy burden to carry,” he said, “and the more we can share [with other believers], the more we can learn about each other and be in real community with one another.
“It’s been this strange moment of understanding that we are still grieving, but also understanding that we will have children of our own through adoption someday.”
Emerging from a ‘dark road’
Brittany Logan and her husband, Chris, who attend Ariton Baptist Church, Ariton, also have endured the pain of infertility and failed treatments. But they’ve also experienced the heartache of three pregnancies that ended in miscarriage. While the couple now has a busy 2-year-old and they are thankful for the Lord allowing them to be parents, Logan acknowledged the anger she felt after her miscarriages.
“It really tested my relationship with God because there were highs and lows,” she explained.
After marrying in 2010, she recalled, she expected life to follow a specific “timeline” that seemed to fall apart. She acknowledged that even through her season of infertility and miscarriages, she still felt God’s presence.
“God whispered ‘3:16’” she said. “I had three miscarriages in 2016 and [John 3:16] is obviously one of the most memorized verses of the Bible. ‘For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.’ He really emphasized to me, ‘Brittany I gave My only Son. You’re going to get through this.’”
“I also leaned on Psalm 37:4,” she said. “‘Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.’”
Following eight years of failed attempts to have a child, the Logans welcomed Ealey Mae in December 2019.
“It was a long, hard journey, but looking back I would not change anything at all. We learned so much through it.
“I try really hard not to complain about anything because we waited so long for this,” Logan said. “It has made me so much more grateful for the little moments, just trying to soak up what we have of her while we have it.”
Here more by clicking here for Aaron Jaillet’s story and here for Brittany Logan’s story.
You can always find the most recent episodes of “Amplify: Conversations about Life and Faith with Maggie Evans,” plus our “Stories” podcast by clicking here.
Resources:
[The following resources are from lifewaywomen.com]
Walking Through Infertility: Biblical, Theological, and Moral Counsel For Those Who Are Struggling by Matthew Arbo
The Missing Peace: Coping with Infertility Devotional Guide by Leighann McCoy
13 Keys to Ministering to Infertile Couples by Rhonda Kelley
Infertility: A Survival Guide for Couples and Those Who Love Them by Cindy Lewis Dake.
Water From the Rock: Finding God’s Comfort in the Midst of Infertility by Donna Gibbs, Becky Garrett, Phyllis Radon
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