Two brothers were asked the same question by their father. Unfortunately, their answers were exactly opposite. One said, “I will.” The other said, “I won’t.”
If that were not bad enough, the situation became more confusing when the one who said “I will” decided not to fulfill his father’s request. The brother who said “I won’t” regretted his declaration and did what his father had asked.
Jesus tells this story in Matthew 21:28–32. Among the lessons He draws from the story is that promises are not enough. Actually doing what God asks is the ultimate test of one’s commitment and love.
Neither boy offers an example to be followed. Saying the right words but not backing them up with appropriate deeds is deceptive. Gruffly refusing, only to repent and do the necessary task, illustrates insensitivity bordering on selfishness.
Sadly, most of us are familiar with both kinds of behavior. We see it in others, and we do it ourselves. Go to a softball diamond for a church league game and watch what happens. Some team will be looking for a player who faithfully promised to be there. But, when game time comes, the player is nowhere to be found and no one has heard from him. He said “I will” but his actions said “I won’t.”
The opposite behavior will often be seen when a church schedules a work day. Some people initially laugh at the idea that they should give a Saturday to sprucing up the church building and grounds. But when the work starts, they are there. How much better it would have been had the individuals said “I will” to begin with so work projects could be planned to equal the resources available.
Similar patterns are lived out at work. One promises to perform certain functions in exchange for an agreed-upon wage. Then, for whatever reason, that employee decides that fulfilling the promise is not necessary. If the work gets done, fine. If it does not, that is OK, too.
One sometimes sees the sour disposition employee who complains about every task. He does not want to be at work and lets everyone know it. He makes life miserable for himself and for all around him.
What we do with others, we do with God. How many times have we promised God to make the disciplines of a Christian life — Bible reading, prayer, stewardship and all — part of our lives? How many times have we failed to do them? Sometimes we talk about these values in such ways that others might think us faithful in their practice. Yet, we fail to actually do them. Our words say “I will.” Our actions say “I won’t.”
In such cases, Jesus would say of us that we fail the ultimate test of faithfulness and love.
Perhaps the area where this principle is tested most frequently is the family. After all, it is in the family that one’s truest self is revealed. Hearing one’s spouse say “I love you” is precious. But words are a poor substitute for presence. One who says “I love you” but is absent in emergencies, in family celebrations, in special times, fails the ultimate test of faithfulness and love.
The parent who chooses to work late every night instead of spending time with the family, the one who puts job or career before family responsibilities, the one who offers things to family members instead of self belies whatever words of love he or she utters.
Religious workers have an especially hard time making their words and actions both say “I will” to family members. A pastor, for example, has demands that never stop — the sick, the sinful, the sermons and more. Even special time for family can be interrupted by emergencies.
Because the pastor is always doing “God’s work,” it has to come first, some conclude. Such reasoning forgets that caring for one’s family is “God’s work” as well. In fact, the only people for whom God has given the pastor primary responsibility are the members of his own family.
Presence, attention, interest, involvement — there is no substitute for these. Each one supports words of love. Without them, the message is “I won’t” no matter what words are spoken.
Using one’s calling to ministry as an excuse to fail one’s family is a travesty.
Yet, we all know cases where the minister had time for all the children in the community but his own, where all the church families were ministered to except his own, where great advice for family living was offered from the pulpit but the pastor’s wife felt neglected and unappreciated. The results are usually tragic.
May is Christian Home Month for Alabama Baptists.
There could be no better time to examine our actions to see if they match our words. Unless our words and our actions support one another, we fail the ultimate test of commitment and love to our families.
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