In the context of faith, the word “deconstruction” — also referred to as “a journey of recovery”— is seen by some as sacrilegious because at the end of this road some lose their faith and a few even become loudly anti-Christian. However, many end up with their faith being even stronger.
But with either result, the majority of those undergoing this process have been hurt by the Church through scandals, hypocrisy, poor interpretation of Scripture and even outright abuse by trusted leadership.
The Way Home Ministries is a nonprofit ministry serving those who need support and guidance through this process, with hope that they end up with their faith intact — or even stronger.
Co-founder Connie Sanders became “much, much stronger” after her own journey of recovery from being hurt by church leadership.
Wading into ‘deep water’
“I’m more compassionate and more understanding. I hold space for people’s trauma and fear and shame and grief. I have far more capacity to hold others’ pain, and I am more able to wade into deep water with both Jesus and with people,” Sanders said.
Sanders’ own experience began while going to a vibrant, thriving church, with many adults meeting God for the first time. She became a leader, was entrusted with increasingly substantial responsibilities and loved her role, wanting so much to help others know Him.
As time passed, she started to notice little things her pastor did that seemed strange — complimenting her and putting her down at the same time, hinting that she wasn’t qualified for her role while asking more and more of her and acting as if he was the only reason she was in ministry and God had nothing to do with it.
It was a very confusing period of time for her.
“I so wanted to serve God well, but the gaslighting I was experiencing and the pressure and extreme expectations of my pastor left me swirling. Eventually, I had little left to give,” Sanders said.
Wanting to hold on
When she learned of a betrayal of trust and heartbreaking abuse that came at the hands of her pastor, it was shattering. She knew it was finally time to step away. Even though her faith was “shaken to its core,” she now realizes Jesus is the One who brought her through.
Sanders understands there are those whose abuse is much more extreme. She understands that no matter how graphic, public or seemingly benign an experience of church harm is, the one walking through it often feels very alone. She understands she isn’t the only one with this pain.
Also understanding that healing comes by helping others who are walking a similar path, she co-founded The Way Home.
“Most people who come to us are wanting to hold onto their faith. They don’t want to throw it all out, but they don’t know what else to do. How do you extricate your faith from this whole system and this whole experience? It’s complicated,” Sanders said.
Practical steps
The Way Home offers community to combat isolation, practical steps back to faith for those who feel lost and help for churches dealing with the aftermath of scandals and moral failure. Their mission is to help those who hurt “recover a life of thriving faith.”
Every person ministering has been through this time of hurt and of healing and testifies that it was the Lord who rescued them. All are awed by His grace and forgiveness.
Every time Sanders speaks publicly, she has someone come to her and share a similar story. Although they know they need help, they don’t always know why they ended up leaving their church; they just felt they had to get out.
As a result, they become distant from a community that can and should be supportive — one that should point to Christ alone.
Although Sanders wonders at times why God allows this to happen, she trusts that “He will not waste what we walked through.”
“The Lord is well capable of tending us and leading us through very complicated territory,” she said.
Trusting God
In 2024, The Way Home worked directly with about 100 people through their three-pronged approach and had about 3,500 people worldwide visit their website.
“This is not unique to one style of church, one denomination, evangelical or nonevangelical — whatever buckets we like to put things in. It’s not how this works. There is an enemy and there are sinful people and power is dangerous in people’s hands if it is not tended well,” Sanders said.
But through it all, Sanders knows that God is good.
“He’s good. He’s always good. We serve a suffering Savior. He is well acquainted with grief. He is not afraid of our grief or our rage.
“I was a leader in this community, so I was a part of the system that brought harm. That’s painful to look back at. That’s painful to say out loud. And I have gone to many people to say I’m really sorry for my part in that.
“But He’s a good and faithful Judge. He will judge rightly — not just me, but He will judge and deal rightly with the person who harmed me.
“I trust Him for that — most days. Whatever He’s allowed, He will not waste, and His hands can make something beautiful out of our ashes.”
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