Since the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, those living in nursing homes, assisted living facilities and memory care units have been greatly affected by the pandemic. Those with dementia and their families have suffered the grief of separation as these facilities closed to outside visitors.
Social media has given us many photographs and stories about the disease and its impact on people’s lives during this time.
Window visits
One photo depicts an elderly woman sitting in a wheelchair, reaching out to touch an individual standing outside her window. Studying the photo, you see tears on the wrinkled woman’s face. Words seem inadequate to describe the loneliness, anxiety, pain and heartbreak of this experience. This instance is a snapshot of the isolation COVID-19 has created and gives us a realistic view of what is happening today — the growing isolation and holding on to hope.
Lanell Smith has found herself caught up in this new dilemma. Her mother, Vernice Downs, was diagnosed in 2016 with Alzheimer’s. Downs is now in the advanced stages of the disease and living in a facility in Montgomery. Her last unrestricted visit was during the final week of March.
Since then, Smith has tried Facetime and window visits, but “nothing compares to being able to hug Mother and say, ‘I love you’ in person,” she said.
These days, Downs mostly sleeps through their visits. On the days she does try to communicate, it isn’t easy to understand what she is saying.
Relying on caregivers
“Mom has declined quite a lot since March, due to the advanced care required because of her disease,” Smith said. “Our family feels that her decline may have been exacerbated by the lack of visits with those she knows and loves.”
Care is not the problem, Smith said.
“Mom receives wonderful care at the nursing home, but it’s difficult not to be able to monitor her health personally. It’s hard to know whether we’re just catching her on a bad day or if the apparent decline is her new normal. It’s harder to watch for those subtle physical or cognitive changes that can indicate sickness. We must rely more heavily on her caregivers than ever before, and while we trust them to give her great care, it hasn’t been easy.”
Anyone who is currently walking this road will tell you there are moments of frustration, sadness, anger and hopelessness. Meanwhile, the disease doesn’t stop its progression because of COVID-19. The memory-making moments which could have been are gone.
Smith said she has gotten through by relying on her faith.
“My faith in God and His goodness has helped me navigate the challenges and uncertainty,” she said. “In a way, it has been easier to leave her in His hands because there was little we could do for her. The staff at the nursing home are a great blessing. I know she is well cared for, and that means the world to us. We hope that she doesn’t worry and wonder why we haven’t been able to visit her. We are trusting God to be her comfort.”
No easy answers
There are no easy or pat answers to this growing debilitating disease and COVID-19’s impact. But support groups, articles and organizations providing information and tools to help in small and large ways are available.
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