Have you seen the new book “Spiritual Wills?” It is another in the popular “how-to” series. This one attempts to help parents pass on their spiritual values to their children.
Spiritual values do not necessarily mean Christian values. Rather the word spiritual is a nebulous term used to describe those intangible qualities that are important to a person.
According to the designers of this “how-to” tool, the values most often mentioned by people include family, friendship, personal integrity, honesty, independence and education.
Occasionally people include words of regret or forgiveness in their spiritual wills. Some even pass along some of the lessons they have learned in life, usually lessons learned the hard way.
A spiritual will helps people know their family stories, promoters say, for most values are shared in story form. It helps the recipient understand what was important to the writer and why. Something of the writer’s heart is laid open for others to see.
Sharing one’s values in a spiritual will can be a great help to a family. Yet, the whole concept raises another question about spiritual values. Is it better to share one’s values through something like a spiritual will at the end of life, or is it better to pass on values by helping shape the spiritual values of the next generation?
Perhaps you have met the parent who says he or she does not want to influence the decisions of the child about church. “When he’s old enough, the child can choose for himself,” says a supposedly well-meaning parent.
Religion seems to be the only place where that principle applies. The father does not wait to see if the child likes athletics. Before the child can walk, the father is tossing him a ball. Then it is preschoolers on T-ball teams or packs of little boys and girls running up and down the field after a soccer ball.
Gymnastics, ballet, music lessons — the list goes on and on where loving, well-meaning parents attempt to help their child grow and develop in important areas. The activities are about more than developing motor skills or social skills. They help the child learn about life, how to see the world and how to live successfully in that world.
Parents know that a view of the world does not magically appear one day in the mind of the child. How the child sees the world is the result of experiences, relationships, things understood and how all the pieces of life are put together and make sense.
Some see the world as a dark and dangerous place. Others see the world as a beautiful place full of love.
Some see the world as a place where only the strong survive. Some see the world as a place where people live in community for the benefit of all. Some are suspicious of others. Some are affable and accepting.
What one sees in the world as adults depends, in part, on the way one’s mind is trained as a child to see the world. Is the world an accident, or is it a creation of God? Is God our friend or a God to be feared? Is there a God, or is God-talk just superstition and weakness?
Someone will help the child put all the pieces together. It might be Barney, the huggable purple dinosaur. It might be a rough-and-tumble superhero. It might be a playmate, a babysitter, a teacher.
Someone is going to help the child interpret the facts and experiences of life in a way that makes sense to the child.
What is true in all other areas of life is also true about faith in Jesus Christ. A child will learn that “Jesus is our friend” or that “Jesus is a joke.” A child will learn that a church is a place where friends gather or a place that is only concerned about getting your money. A child will learn to believe in God or learn that God is a myth like the tooth fairy.
A parent who says, “When he is old enough, he can decide for himself” is forfeiting the right to help shape the spiritual values of that child. Maybe all that will be left for them is a “spiritual will.”
How much better it would have been had the parent decided to help shape those spiritual values by making a relationship with God through faith in Jesus Christ as the starting point for making sense out of the world.
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