A noted religious leader was riding on a train when approached by an inquiring friend. The friend related the story of a woman who lost her husband under tragic circumstances. Then he asked the religious leader what counsel he would offer the grieving widow.
Without hesitation, the religious leader replied, “Be sure you join a sensitive and caring church fellowship 20 years before this affliction occurs.”
The reply seems nonsensical — advice for present circumstances relating to past actions. When examined more closely, however, the answer points to one of life’s profound truths. The ability to live today is largely determined by past decisions.
Therefore, the religious leader could point out that the newly widowed woman’s ability to cope with her grief would be impacted by the quality of relationships she began forming decades before her husband died.
Perhaps this story resonates with me because it illustrates my personal story. When my wife, Eleanor, died in July 1998, relationships built throughout years of experiences helped sustain me.
The outpouring of sympathy was overwhelming. Notes, cards, e-mails, telephone calls, visits — every one was appreciated. In fact, the caring was overwhelming. I will always be grateful for the love and support shared with me during that time.
In some instances, the quality of caring turned relatively new relationships into lifelong friendships. Let me assure you that ministering to hurting people is always appropriate.
But for the most part, it was those relationships forged through years of walking together that upheld me. Perhaps relationship is the key word. The years of walking together made me know these friends cared for me. I had confidence in them. I trusted them. Even if they could not understand all I was experiencing in Eleanor’s loss, there was no doubt about their friendship. I could rely on them and did.
For me, the counsel of the religious leader was accurate. Being part of a caring church fellowship with friendships formed across years of experiences proved the best thing I could do in the midst of loss.
That same principle applies to one’s relationship to God. For some caught in the midst of trouble, God can become like a new friend. Help and strength and comfort can come from this unexpected source. The God made known in Jesus Christ can walk through the doorway of heartache and become a lifelong companion. One has only to ask in trusting faith and God will be “a very present help in time of trouble.”
Sometimes people who only have an acquaintanceship with God become disappointed with Him when trouble comes. Such people know God as one knows an individual to whom one speaks on the street but has no other contact. People with an acquaintanceship with God attend church occasionally. They may even be members of some congregation. But God is not a vital part of their lives. God would not be described as their “friend.”
In the midst of hurt, these people often blame God for their pain. God is at fault, they reason, for not working things out like these individuals desire. God is blamed for all the problems. Such people describe God in unattractive ways. To them, God is not loving and kind. He is not a “refuge in time of distress.”
Their passing acquaintanceship with God limits what these individuals allow God to do for them amid their misery. Their loss and pain are almost magnified because they do not know the God of all comfort. This “friend” who is able to help is kept on the outside, treated like a scapegoat for all that is wrong.
What a difference a relationship with God makes. The experiences of walking with God through the years teaches one to trust God. One learns to have confidence in God, to rely on Him. He is Friend. He cares for us.
When the ground under one’s feet suddenly becomes like shifting sand, God is a rock on which to stand. He is like a light in darkness, a shelter in a storm. He “sticks closer than a brother.” One knows this because it has been proven again and again through the years. That is part of the value of relationship. When trouble comes, as well as in the good times, one knows God will be there to bring order out of chaos. One knows to rely on God. God has proven faithful through the years.
God is like the friend holding the hand of the hurting one. A word may never be spoken, but his or her touch makes the experience more bearable.
The religious leader sitting on the train spoke the truth. The best way to prepare for today’s trials is to have a relationship with God and with God’s church. Past decisions impact our ability to live through today’s experiences.
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