He’s not the only one I’ve heard say it, but he states it so clearly and consistently that I sense the deep level of disappointment he feels.
“They just want us to sit down and shut up,” he shares when asked about his impression of how retired folk are viewed by current leaders, especially those in church life.
Is my friend accurate in his assessment?
For those of you in that season of life, are you sensing a “time for you to get out of the way” mentality?
Another friend describes her encounters as “ageism” and argues it isn’t isolated to those who are retired. She says she sees it happening well before the retirement years.
Ageism at church?
Does the concept of discrimination based on age look different for each of us?
Could one person’s perception be the opposite of another’s, merely because of different expectations, preferences, situations and needs?
I’ve also heard descriptions of some who are pushing back on their older constituency members with comments like “get on board or get out of the way.” This type of response seems to come after resistance surfaces to a proposed new idea or major change.
However, we shouldn’t see it as a negative when someone with more life experience urges us to slow down and focus on their questions.
It provides an opportunity to engage in thoughtful conversation to fully explain the idea as well as time to listen carefully to concerns raised.
Not everyone with concerns will actually voice what’s on their mind, so when one person does, he or she becomes the representative for the full set.
We’ve typically used this concept in the newspaper industry with letters to the editor — one letter writer represents 100 readers.
Those of us currently in positions of leadership across a variety of industries and ministries — and those soon to be — likely aren’t intentionally seeking to insult or ignore the more experienced among us, but we can improve the situation immensely with a few quick steps.
Helping the situation
First, we can implement a structure that ensures all stakeholders (and all age groups) are represented on committees, idea-developing teams, etc. We also can make sure their input is valued and respected.
Second, we can seek out mentors who are 20, 30 and 40 years older to use as sounding boards before we take our ideas public. Mentors need to be people who will be honest as they help you think through and around every new concept.
Third, we can fight the urge to ignore warning signs coming from those among our stakeholders and mentors, at least until we know we’ve made necessary adjustments to settle the concerns raised.
Fourth, we can expect the conversations from those raising concerns to take a lot of time and should plan accordingly. Scheduling enough time to thoroughly discuss the topic and maintaining interest and patience will serve all parties well.
Also, plan to keep energy levels up by staying hydrated and munching on snacks during the conversation. For the extra long dialogue sessions, pause for stand-up breaks every 90 minutes or so.
Mentoring young leaders
For those who sense you are being devalued because of your season of life, work hard to avoid becoming cynical. We need you to help guide the rest of us — with grace.
It’s also important to be open to change when it truly is the best move for the greater good, even if it is an uncomfortable step personally.
Think about the example made when someone who prefers leaving things as they are says they will seek the Lord’s help in not only accepting the situation but also praying for those who are leading in the new direction.
Learning to appreciate and value each other’s contributions makes everything run smoother.
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