8 tips for dealing with disappointment
By David L. Chancey
McDonough Road Baptist Church
Former Baseball Commissioner Bart Giamatti, speaking of the emotion of the game, wrote, “It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart.”
Not only do our teams let us down and our hearts break, but life doesn’t work out the way we envision sometimes.
Disappointment is part of living life in a world that’s not always fair. How do you define disappointment?
Disappointment is the feeling we experience when our hopes are not fulfilled, or our expectations are not met. Sometimes unrealistic expectations do not match actual circumstances. Thus, we sense a moment of sadness.
How do we deal with disappointment?
8 tips
- Own it. It’s OK to say, “I’m really disappointed.” Recognize the sadness and take a moment to grieve.
- Name it. Part of owning it is recognizing exactly why you’re disappointed. Identify the gap between expectation and reality and express, “I am disappointed because __________.”
- Share it with a trusted listener. Get it off your chest and talk it out.
- Refuse to dwell on it. Life moves on and so must we. It’s unhealthy to dwell in the “valley of unmet expectations.”
- Embrace the letdown as an opportunity to grow. I was a late bloomer on the bicycle front. Just as many teens delay getting their driver’s licenses these days, I didn’t learn to ride a bike until I was in fourth grade. I don’t remember why I took so long, maybe because I didn’t like falling on asphalt and getting scraped up.
Early one Saturday morning, I raised the garage door, mounted my bike and rode down the driveway. No helmet, no help, just me, my bike and possibly disaster ahead. I kept my balance … for a few minutes. Yet, this particular morning, when I fell, I hopped back on my bike and rode again until my confidence grew. Winston Churchill said, “Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.” Disappointment can teach resilience.
Deeper trust
- Replace disappointment with deeper trust. Isaiah 26:4 presents a powerful reminder to those dealing with disappointment: “Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.” When life is uncertain, God is always certain. He is our rock. Trust God.
- Focus on the Peace Giver, not the peace disrupters. Isaiah 26:3 reads, “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” We too readily focus on the circumstances robbing our peace rather than the Person who brings peace and comfort.
- Thank God anyway. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, “In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Thank God that He is in control and works all things together for our good and His glory (Rom. 8:28).
God may have something far better for us than what didn’t work out.
EDITOR’S NOTE — David L. Chancey is pastor of McDonough Road Baptist Church in Fayetteville, Georgia. Visit davidchancey.com to read more of his articles.
Perspectives on potential Dobbs ruling
EDITOR’S NOTE — A draft opinion suggesting the Supreme Court will vote to strike down Roe v. Wade was published May 2 by Politico (see story here). Here is a sampling of reactions from faith leaders shared by Religion News Service.
Greg Laurie, pastor of Harvest Christian Fellowship in Riverside, California, tweeted:
“If true, SCOTUS will overturn Roe v. Wade. A grave injustice will be corrected. Prayers answered. Now, the church must go over-and-above to care for mothers & their children.”
Al Mohler, president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, on his podcast “The Briefing” said:
“When the Supreme Court hands down its ruling in coming weeks, the defenders of life dare to hope that this is indeed the court’s ruling and, oh Lord, let us pray, may it be true.”
In a written statement, National Association of Evangelicals President Walter Kim said:
“Evangelical commitment to protecting the unborn stems from our deep understanding that God created human beings in His image and that every human life from conception to death has inestimable worth. If the Dobbs decision remains unchanged, we will celebrate that citizens will have greater opportunity to engage in creating policies that impact women and children. We also recognize that after this decision, vulnerable women and children will need a lot of support. Churches should be ready to help.”
Justin Giboney, president of Christian civic organization The AND Campaign, tweeted:
“Abortion is a human dignity issue, but that issue doesn’t end at birth.”
The gift of showing mercy (Rom. 12:8) manifests itself in such things as visiting the sick and afflicted, relieving one in a state of distress and difficulty, lending a shoulder to the sorrowful and granting forgiveness to those who sin.
It is the ability, under the leadership of the Holy Spirit, to demonstrate compassion, to help bear the burden of another, to come alongside and show gracious favor to the hurting.
This gift is action-oriented, far more than a mere feeling. The attitude behind action is cheerfulness.
Morris Murray Jr.
Jasper, Ala.
“When people think they’re too young to come up with an idea of how to serve, I say, ‘Let me tell you a story,’” said Brent Thompson, pastor of Heflin Baptist Church, referring to church member Nathan Cobb, a seventh grader who helped raise funds for his missions trip to Utah by drawing pictures for donations.
We want to be sure we equip today’s generation for missions, because if we fail to teach this generation the importance of missions, we’re one generation away from having no more missionaries.
Connie Dixon
President, National WMU
Only God could use a basketball game, golf tournament, pickleball or disc golf to bring Him glory.
Brian Harris, Minister of recreation
CrossPoint Baptist Church, Trussville
The Lord is with us. The Lord is not with us if we are joyful or if we are fearful. He is just WITH US, PERIOD.
Kristie Brothers “Surrounded”
leanintojesus.com/blog
You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:13b–14
Pain humbles us. It drives us to our knees. It renews us. … And pain will drive you to Him. Embrace the pain God has called you to and watch Him gloriously move.
Ed Litton, pastor
Redemption Church, Saraland, and president of the Southern Baptist Convention
Every mom I know is struggling personally. The pandemic exhausted us, and we now realize the importance of strengthening ourselves mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally.
Kari Kampakis, author
“More Than a Mom”
Pastors — What our churches, our communities, our families, our children, our brides need most from us is not our education, not our expertise, not our experience. They need us to be men who spend enough time on our knees and in His word that when they’re around us, they can smell the unmistakable scent of the sweet aroma of Jesus.
David Eldridge, pastor
Dawson Memorial Baptist Church, Birmingham
We often want a quick fix, and it’s easy to count numbers of people present, but a church can have large numbers without making any disciples.
Jay Gordon, adult and small groups minister
The Church at Brook Hills, Birmingham
Neither you nor I are at our original starting point in life, but we all have the opportunity to begin again — with the end in mind (Deut. 30:19–20a NLT). Now that’s something to celebrate!
Donna Jackson
perfectionroad.com
In a world that has departed from God’s design for sex (and has celebrated that departure and sought to indoctrinate the next generation in it), the societal consequences of sexual sin will continue to be a reality in our lives. … The only way to healing is in Christ.
Dean Inserra, author
“Pure: Why the Bible’s Plan for Sexuality Isn’t Outdated, Irrelevant, or Oppressive”
From the Twitterverse
@jasonkeithallen
“True salvation always produces an abiding change of nature in a true convert. Therefore, whenever holiness of life does not accompany a confession of conversion, it must be understood that this individual is not a Christian.” —Jonathan Edwards
@DKCaudell
As a SBC pastor, the best thing that I can do for the Southern Baptist Convention, my state convention and my local association is to faithfully pastor the church that the Lord has given me the privilege to lead.
Head down. Hand to plow. Laser focus on the local church.
@DianeLangberg
Every time we treat someone with dignity rather than shame, respect rather than disregard, concern rather than exploitation, kindness rather than brutality and careful attention rather than turning away — we are doing things that are the reverse of trauma and evil.
@micahfries
Our Christian faith is not a Pollyanna faith. When we say we trust God at all times, we aren’t expressing an inauthentic “awe shucks, God’s got this” sentiment. Instead, through tears of lament & an inability to see the future, we feebly express our confidence in God’s provision.
@johnmarkclifton
Bivocational pastors are far [more] important to the Kingdom than most realize. However the NT does communicate the pastor should be taken care of. How many bivo pastors could be full time if church members were more faithful in giving and realized their true biblical responsibility?
@GaryFenton07
Knowing the words of God without knowing the ways of God and the will of God leads to legalism. And legalism uses the language of the faith to hide a humanity-centered religion.
@DustinBenge
The moment we abandon the Bible as our sole authority in faith and practice is the moment we accept and follow false authorities.
@macbrunson
We are desperately in need of revival in the SBC because we are desperately in need of revival in the local churches because we are desperately in need of revival in the pulpit because we are desperately in need of revival in my heart.
@AshleyUnzicker
Fearlessness is one of the most under-utilized benefits God offers …
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