Unfortunately we can’t stop all child abuse in the world but we must try to prevent it in our churches,” said John Murphy, agent for GuideStone Financial Resources, the retirement and insurance agency for Southern Baptists.
Murphy was one of several presenters at the Considerations for a Safe Children’s Ministry conference at North Shelby Baptist Church, Birmingham, on Feb. 4. The event was sponsored by Shelby Baptist Association, the Shelby County Sheriff’s Department and the Shelby County Law Enforcement Chaplains Association.
Erin Woods, children’s minister for the Church of the Highlands’ Chapel at Grants Mill, Birmingham, used the acronym BANNN to explain the basic policies and procedures for her church.
The “B” stands for bathroom.
“We don’t want any preschooler to be in the bathroom with a single adult,” she said. “If the child needs help, another adult should be at the door as an observer and helper if needed. This prevents any misunderstanding when a child needs assistance.”
The “A” stands for appropriate affections. Woods cautioned that though children need a lot of affection, child-care workers in the church must be judicious.
Gaining trust
“The predator gains trust from the children often with hugging and stroking,” she said. “Our workers use ‘high fives,’ fist bumps and side hugs but no snuggling or cuddling or lap-sitting. Of course the church has always had members with genuine and good hearts who’ve done these things, but we’ve established a policy for everyone in order to prevent anyone from taking advantage of our boys and girls.”
The first “N” is for name tag. The Grants Mill church has devised a name tag system that is computer-generated so every child has an affixable tag with name, allergies and a number and letter code that is given to the parent or grandparent who brings them. In this way the church prevents unauthorized people from picking up children after activities.
There have been cases where negligence causes an accident.“We also fill out accident reports if there’s a bumped head or a scratch and have the parent sign it,” she explained.
The second “N” is “no pictures.”
“We have church photographers take pictures occasionally for promotional purposes but we always get a release form from parents,” Woods said.
“Other than this workers are not to take any pictures of the children. We believe it’s inappropriate to post photos of someone else’s kids on social media. And we tell our workers to put their phones on the shelf when they’re teaching. We only have an hour and a half to pour as much of God into these young lives as we can and we don’t need to waste it using our phones for pictures or texting.”
The final “N” stands for “never alone.”
“At Highlands we follow the two-adult rule and we don’t count teens under 16 as adults,” Woods said. “A 16-year-old can volunteer as an adult. We still ask another adult to step in and help when preschoolers go to the bathroom and need help. Older children usually don’t need bathroom help but we have a monitor who lets the children go to the appropriate restroom one at a time.”
Social media
Deputy Heather Parramore, investigator for the Shelby County Sheriff’s Department, said predators often use social media to find lonely children and try to build a relationship.
“They pick kids with problems and try to make them feel better,” she said. “They can be 1,000 miles away but they try to build a friendship, asking the children to send inappropriate pictures of themselves.
“Sometimes the predator is local and can even be a person known to the child and the family,” she noted. “The predator may give gifts to open the door to relationship, and then threaten, blackmail or bribe the child not to reveal any secrets.”
Parramore said parents must monitor computer use and never let children use the computer behind locked doors.
“Trust your instincts,” she said. “Stop contact with someone you suspect. Encourage your child to talk to you about the relationship and don’t hesitate to contact law enforcement.”
Murphy cited statistics supporting the fact that most predators are not caught quickly.
“Most abusers have molested scores of children before they’re stopped and this happens because of our reluctance to report,” he said.
“Most predators have no visual profile; they have a behavioral profile. They try to isolate children and build trust. That’s why we must be wise in assigning workers in our churches.”
Background screening
Murphy said Brotherhood Mutual, the insurance agency for GuideStone, is handling some 300 sexual abuse claims every year.
He said screening all staff and volunteer workers is a must and the screening should be repeated every two or three years.
“Ninety-five percent of all predators have never been backgrounded,” he said. “This can be our first line of defense in the church, along with the six-month rule. No workers should be assigned before having been members for at least six months.”
Murphy said the Alabama Baptist State Board of Missions will sponsor a statewide training for children’s volunteers Sept. 19 at Canaan Baptist Church, Bessemer. Presenters will include workers from MinistrySafe of Fort Worth, Texas.
For more information, visit ministrysafe.com. To contact Murphy, email john.murphy@guidestone.org.
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